Last Kiss
by Alouscrie
Summary: Exploring the night that Fate lost her most precious possession. NanoFate, Fate Vivio mother daughter.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Nanoha, any of the related characters, or nearly enough of the related merchandise.

This story is rated M for adult themes, thoughts of suicide, graphic content, and scenes depicting a sexual relationship between two women.

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I stand here today, on this god-forsaken mound with our family and friends around us, staring at what's left of you as they lower it into the ground. Everyone spoke for you; you would have hated the attention. My mother stands quietly, holding yours as she cries into her handkerchief. All around me, people are breaking into tears—you touched them all with your smile; your presence.

I can't cry, though. No matter how much I want to, the tears won't come anymore.

The service has ended, and your family is taking up their shovels to return you to the earth. Even Hayate and her Wolkenritter are here helping. Vita keeps sniffling and wiping her face with her sleeve, and Shamal is making no effort to hide her grief. You were always the one who touched others; you could turn any foe into a friend. No one talks as they work—it would be unthinkable to do so. No one looks at me as they cover you up, taking you from me for the last time.

I can't bear it. Please, don't let them take you! Come back to me!

I throw myself forward, choking out a small sob as I try to bring you back. I don't want this! I need you! They won't give me a spade, so I use my hands, clawing at the soil as I try to free you from your prison. No one tried to stop me. I would never let them, even if they tried.

There is a rumble, and the sky begins to rain down on us, large cold drops that find their way under coats. The ground becomes muddy, carrying the soil back into the hole I've dug. I sit here staring at my hands as the rain soaks through my clothes, taking my warmth from me—just like that night.

How nice. I can't cry for you, my friend, my love, so the sky cries for me.

I put my head to the earth and scream, trying to feel something, anything for my love, but I can't. No matter how hard I try, how hard I push, there's just this chill that saps my strength.

I don't know how long I screamed and clawed futilely at the earth. At some point, I must have passed out, because I'm no longer at your grave. Instead, I lie here in bed in Shamal's clinic, staring blankly at the off-white ceiling. I vaguely remember Signum picking me up; she must have carried me to the car after I fell asleep.

There's warmth here…..why is that?

I look down at myself, at my scars new and old—how could you ever have loved such a body? I can still remember you kissing each and every old wound, telling me that they added to my beauty. I thought that I could see it then, when I looked into your eyes…..now it feels like a dream.

I lift the covers to stare down at my stomach—your favorite part of me, you said—and I can see the source of the warmth. Vivio—poor, dear Vivio—is clinging to my side, her face buried in my stomach as she whimpers and twitches fitfully.

I'm sorry, Vivio. I promised to protect your mama, but I couldn't. It was all my fault.

I want to be with you, Nanoha. I want to join you where you are, and end the pain now. I know, though, that if I let go, if I try to join you, then I'll hurt so many others. So I'm going to be good; I'm going to earn my place with you when I die. So I can see your face again when I finally do leave this world.

I reach down and run my fingers through Vivio's hair and smile sadly to myself. I know I'm not enough, but I'm going to be as good of a mother to you as I can, Vivio. I'm going to take care of you, and keep you safe. For Nanoha-Mama.


	2. Chapter 2

For best results, listen to "Piano Man" by Billy Joel for the third scene.

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I remember that day well….the children had worked hard, and could barely drag themselves out of bed that morning. I was worried about calling them out to the training field so early, but when they shuffled out, you smiled at me, mischief in your beautiful blue eyes, and though I worried, I was intrigued by that smile, those eyes. I love the look you would get when you were feeling playful; even the memory of it can send shivers down my spine. I watched as you assembled the trainees—quite a contrast in the early morning sun—you, standing straight and tall in your crisp brown uniform, positively radiant in your confidence and cheer; and our students, groggy and staggering, rubbing their eyes in an attempt to bring lucidity. You watched them for a moment, and I entertained the notion of you feeding on their energy, a vampire in a miniskirt (wouldn't that have been delicious!). Then, your smile grew, and you could no longer hold in your giggle, "Sorry for getting you all up so early after a big day, but today you have a special assignment."

You waited for the chorus of groans before finishing, "Today, your job is to take the day off. Go have fun, ok?"

The children cheered and woke immediately, dashing off toward their dorms. Subaru even gave you a hug before running after Teana.

They were always such cute kids.

When they had gone, you turned to me, eyes still laughing, and wrapped your arms around me, pulling me close to you. I was startled by the sudden gesture—normally, you saved the physical affection for when we were in private.

"Nanoha…?"

"So, Fate-chan…." You started, cocking your head to the side and staring at me intently, penetrating. "Shall we go into town and enjoy ourselves as well?"

"I should check on Elio and Caro—"

"They'll be fine. They have plenty of money, and the others can help them if something comes up."

"Vivio—"

"She's spending the day with Zafira. Everything's taken care of."

I smiled (I'd like to think coyly, but you always seemed to take away my calm, making me more dopey than anything). "Well, if Miss Workaholic can take a day off, then I suppose I can escort her into town and ensure that she relaxes."

You bit the tip of my nose, nibbling gently, and I could feel my body heat up. My face flushed, my heart raced, and I had to bite my lip to resist pinning you against a tree. There, in full view, with a good chance Hayate was watching….how awful of a first time would that have been?

You must have felt it, because you leaned in and kissed me—gently, like a soft, warm bed after a long day. I melted into you, losing myself in the kiss. I barely registered when you pulled away, laughing, and pushed off of me, dancing back playfully.

"I'll meet you at your car!"

You always were such a tease.

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I remember that we saw a movie—some new action film that you had been gushing over for months. I couldn't get into it, but you enjoyed yourself, and it gave me an excuse to cuddle with you without interruption. I must have fallen asleep, because before I knew it, you were gently shaking me awake, and the lights had come on.

"They need to start cleaning up, so we should probably leave now."

I tried to think of something funny to say, but a yawn ruined the moment, so I nodded and let you help me up. My left leg had fallen asleep, keeping me from putting any weight on it, so I held on to you as we walked, clinging tightly to your shirt. With your help, I limped outside, where you promptly forced me down onto a bench and flopped down to the left of me. Your wonderful, warm hands touched my cramped thigh and you nibbled my ear as you started to rub down my complaining muscles. We had often given each other massages before, after tough battles or training sessions, but today, with your breath (still slightly chocolate-y from your candies) playing warm and soft on my neck, and your attentions on my ear, it excited me to no end. I leaned back (making you stop nibbling my ear in the process), hanging my head over the back of the bench, and closed my eyes to revel in the sensation. I knew people were watching, staring at us—let them. You were mine, and the world could be damned. After a while, you reached out to me and lifted me up, placing me on my feet, and laughed while I blushed and straightened out my shirt, tucking my shirt back into it. We spent the day walking around, with no real goal in mind as we wandered the streets, picking stores at random to peek into. We must have been through half of the shopping district when you stopped and tugged on my hand.

"Let's go back to the car. I have someplace I want to go to eat tonight."

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We went to dinner at a small restaurant that you claimed to have discovered with Hayate a month or so before. At first, I admit, I was doubtful….the place looked a little shabby and grimy, but you walked calmly in through the heavy, dark wooden door as if you were a regular. I followed close behind you, more for safety than anything else—mine or yours, I still don't know. I had to blink my eyes to try and adjust to the low light in the place. The bar was polished oak, well-worn and lovingly maintained, with a lingering scent of a thousand spilled beers hovering around it. The stools were wrought iron antiques, each cushion a uniquely lumpy red vinyl, worn to a softness that bespoke countless evenings of use. The entire place was done in shades of walnut or dark red—once, I thought I saw blue, but I lost it when you whispered in my ear.

"This place suits you, Fate-chan. It brings out your eyes."

….Maybe it wasn't so bad after all.

You led me to a booth and scooted in after me, placing your right hand on my knee and squeezing gently. As we looked over the menu (and you looked at the cute waitress—I caught you!) you kept squeezing and rubbing, making it very difficult to decide on a meal. I ended up just taking the special—potato soup and a salad of some kind. You ordered some kind of meat baked into a pie, but I couldn't tell what it was for the life of me. It smelled like fried bread dough covered in butter, and looked much the same, but you relished it. We ate slowly, leaning against each other as we sipped the wine that you had insisted we try. I started to enjoy myself once I realized that no one was staring at us—it was as if we belonged here.

The waitresses were arguing about the upcoming election, and left us alone unless we called, and the other patrons were talking quietly amongst themselves, or drinking in silence in small groups. The clientele seemed to be mostly aging businessmen and entrepreneurs, but there were a few off-duty TSAB members there as well. An old man sitting at the bar was humming a few bars of a song that I had never heard to what I assume was his companion, perhaps his son or grandson.

The young man's eyes were clear, unlike most of the patrons, and he seemed to be listening intently to the music, nodding his head from time to time and making strange gestures with his fingers, almost as if he were using a private terminal, though none appeared. After a moment, he stood and walked to the other side of the restaurant. I was curious, I admit, but I never expected you to squeeze my thigh tightly and whisper excitedly in my ear, "Look over in the corner!"

I followed your gaze, sitting up slightly to see over the wall of the booth, and saw that the lights were now on in what had been the darkest corner of the establishment when we entered. What I had thought to be a table was actually a large, beautifully aged piano, which the young man was unveiling with a flourish. He tossed the dirty sheet that had been covering the instrument to the side, adjusted a microphone that one of the waitresses had brought to him, and sat at the keys, cracking his knuckles. The establishment went quiet as the patrons focused whatever wits they retained on the man and the piano. All eyes in the place were on the young man as he tapped a few test notes, and began to play.

Oh! How I wish I could describe the music that night! The piano sounded so wonderful….it was like a festival, or a celebration, and everyone was entranced. I saw you cheer out of the corner of my eye, heard you clapping and shouting along with the other patrons, but I barely noticed any of it. I was entranced—when the first song ended and the man took a drink from a mug that had been placed in front of him, the waitresses had brought me a cup of some amber liquid—alcohol, I know, but I have never been much of a drinker, and couldn't tell you what it was. Everyone seemed to have a cup, and after each song, when the pianist drank, so did they. I looked over at you in wonder after the second song and saw you smiling and drinking along with the rest of them, winking at me and lifting your glass when the crowd drank. I drank along with you—not really sure why, or how it tasted, but after a couple of songs, I started to fall under the same spell as you. The man sang for an hour, playing out old memories and new inventions. The bar was transformed; suddenly, the lights seemed to be up, and the place was full of life—more alive, in fact, than anyplace I had ever been. Even the sad, tired patrons were sitting straight, their eyes shining as they listened.

The music seemed to go on forever, and when the man finally stopped playing and walked back to the bar, the songs lingered in the air around us. The patrons clapped, cheered, and patted the man on the back, many of them slipping him money and chatting like old friends. I looked at you, breathless, and you smiled back at me, the most beautiful smile I have ever seen.

"Thank you, Nanoha." I breathed, amazed by what I had just experienced.

The night seemed to be coming to the perfect end; you were hanging off of my arm as we left the bar, pulling me into dance steps as we slowly made our way to my car.

I was happy—your smile was alive, and your eyes sparkled more than the stars. I couldn't have asked for anything else.

But I did. I asked for too much; I let myself be too happy. And I lost you because of it.


	3. Chapter 3

I wanted you. My whole body ached for you. I knew that tonight, I would finally get to taste you. After all of this time, I wouldn't have to ache next to you. It began to rain, and I picked you up and carried you the last few steps to the car, opened the door, and bent to put you in your seat when you nibbled on my ear and whispered softly, "My, my, I've been captured. What do you plan on doing to me?"

I could think of a hundred answers, a thousand; but instead, I blushed, and whispered back, "Whatever you want."

I'll never forget the look you gave me, sultry and predatory at once, dark and evil, silk and sex. You tilted your head forward and kissed me, your right hand running down my jaw and under my shirt as your left took my hand and ran it up your thigh, resting on your warmth, your desire. I gasped my body tingling, aching, and you nipped my lip before pulling away and whispering that one world: "tonight."

I couldn't think—my mind was racing with more than half a decade of fantasies and desires, trying to decide which to try. I wanted it to be perfect for you. I wanted to please you again and again, until you begged me to stop. I wanted to make you mine, to seal you before anyone else could try to take you from me.

I sat beside you, in the driver's seat, and closed the door, but I didn't start the car—I couldn't seem to find the keys. My fingers would touch them, try to grasp them, only to lose them again as you took another kiss and nibble up my other arm. Your face was flushed in the dark, your eyes two bright shining moons, prettier than those above us here have ever been, or could ever hope to be—and far more magical, to me at least. I lost myself in those eyes—paralyzed by them as you crawled over the seat on hands and knees, your breasts swaying under the loose, hanging fabric of your dress shirt. When did the bra come off? I couldn't concentrate—I gave into you then, as you straddled me, and caressed your breasts and back as I nibbled down your cheek, your jawline, your collarbone. You whimpered, trying to find my lips, but I denied you; I teased you, licking your lips every time you came close, before moving on to another part of you. It was bliss. I couldn't have imagined a greater happiness—until you slid your hand into my pants. You stunned me enough to finally win my lips. For several long minutes, I was your captive. Unable to fight; to flee; to think. When you stopped, and kissed me, a long, sweet kiss, gentle this time, I came back to reality. I wanted more, I wanted you—but when I tried to kiss you again, you poked my nose and gave me that innocent smile of yours, "When we get home, ne?"

I pouted, and you laughed as you slid back into your seat. "Just a little bit?" I asked, watching you settle in. "Cuddle?"

You looked at me, your head cocked to the side in that uniquely Nanoha way, and smiled at me. You unbuckled your shoulder strap and leaned against me, clutching my arm as your head found my shoulder.

I should never have allowed it, but I was bewitched—I wanted nothing more than for you to stay there, holding me. Well, almost nothing.

We drove along the empty road, you clinging to me, signing in contentment, and me with one hand on your thigh, paying as much attention to your proximity—your scent and your warmth—as I was the road. If I had been paying more attention, I might have noticed sooner—there was an accident ahead of us, on the road. Another car had broken down, and the passengers were trying to figure out what was wrong and restart the vehicle. It came up on us so suddenly, sitting in the middle of the long curve that leads out of the city toward Headquarters. I tried to stop, but there was no time—we'd never make it. I swerved to the right, trying to avoid the other car. As we passed them, I saw their faces—now burned into my memory, clearer than any of the events to come after. We passed the other car, but I couldn't bring us back under control. The breaks screeched as they tried to grip the road, but it was too wet, too late. I saw the wall coming, and tried—I tried so hard!—to turn. Nothing could have stopped the crash by that point. I reached out, trying to protect you, trying to shield you with my body, but my seatbelt held me back, pulled me into my seat as we hit.

So many things happened at once—I can't tell you which events came first. I could hear the metal twisting, crying out in agony as it warped around us. The glass shattered, shards from my window flying inward, and much of the windshield flying out. I can remember an odd sense of wonder at the movement of the glass; the sounds of the metal warping, the tires bursting, the glass breaking—but most of all, I remember the sound of your scream, that horrible, painful thing, as you were pulled from my grasp.

I must have blacked out—I don't know for how long. The rain had picked up, and I was lying against the wheel. I sat up, trying to recall what had happened, but my mind was a blur. There were people standing around us….I seemed to recognize some of them, but I couldn't focus. You were gone—I reached for you, but all I found was broken glass. I tried to call your name, but no sound came out as I tore off my seatbelt and crawled out of the car. Three times, I tried to stand, ignoring the cries of bystanders, but each time I fell to my knees, cutting them on broken glass and shrapnel. Someone ran to me and tried to grab my shoulders, but I shook them off and threw myself forward. I had to find you—I needed to make sure you were ok. I was dizzy, and something warm was in my eyes, making it difficult to see. I crawled forward, ignoring the people trying to talk to me, shouting and following. Somehow, I knew where you were. I found my way over to you, through the rain and the smoke, despite my poor vision and the threat of blackout.

You were lying on your back, some distance from the car. You were soaked, and I tried to take off my jacket to cover you, but I couldn't seem to find it. Had I been wearing a jacket? I couldn't seem to recall. I bent down and kissed you, felt your warmth, and curled up next to you, lifting your head onto my lap, and kissed your forehead, wishing you would speak to me. I couldn't see you well, but you seemed ok. You looked like you were sleeping, with Vivio by your side. As I stroked your cheeks, you opened your eyes and smiled at me, a loving smile. I could see through the haze that one of your eyes wasn't focused, staring blankly upward as you coughed and laughed. "Guess I shouldn't do that again."

The people around us were talking, trying to get our attention, "Lay still, the ambulance is coming!"

My vision went out, and I wiped my face with my hand to try and see you better. There was blood all over my hands….both the one I used to wipe away my own, and the one that was holding you. You were bleeding from a cut on the side of your head, and when you coughed, little specks of blood landed on your chin.

"I'm sorry, Nanoha…" I sobbed, holding you. "I'm so sorry….I hurt you again…"

You looked at me and smiled again, reaching up with your bloody left hand and caressing my left cheek. I bent over you to hear you as you spoke the words I had always loved to hear:

"Hold me, just a little while."

I sat there, clinging to you as you stared off into space. I could hear the people behind us talking, shouting; there were sirens in the distance, getting louder. I leaned forward and kissed you softly, begging for a return, for anything. You nipped my lip once, weakly, and smiled again, closing your eyes.

"Sing for me?"

I nodded, wishing that help would come, trying to cry out for Hayate to save you. I don't know if my message ever got through—I don't know if I could send it, in the state I was in. I began to sing as I cradled you—an old song, one you sang to me many years ago, when we were children. I sang the entire song, listened to you sigh, and started to sing another, one of the songs we had heard that night. I sang through until you sighed once more, and your chest stopped. I screamed once, and clung to you, trying to get you to breathe, to speak to me.

After that, I don't remember anything. I'm told that Hayate arrived with Shamal and the rescue team only moments later, and that when they arrived, I was still sitting there, singing some lullaby that you must have taught me as I rocked back and forth, cradling you. They had to sedate me in order to get me to leave you—when they tried to take me away, apparently I screamed and struck them, crawling back to you.

I wanted to believe I was more rational than that; that I was more stable under duress.

Of course, I wanted more to believe that we would be together forever.

I don't want to live without you, Nanoha. I don't think I can. I want to go to you, to find you, wherever you are, and be with you again.

I don't know if I can do this.

Please wait for me, my love.

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"Mama!" a small voice cries, drawing me from my reverie as I stand in the small kitchen area of our apartment, staring down at the knife in my hand, held hovering above the half-decrusted sandwiches on the counter. Small hands latched onto my shirt, tugging insistently. "Fate-mama is going to pick Vivio up from school today, right?"

I finish cutting the crusts off of the sandwiches and sweep them into a small lunchbag. "Of course, Vivio. Fate-mama will pick you up from now on."

A few deft turns and a piece of tape ensure the bag will remain closed, even if Vivio swings it as she walks. I hold the bag out to the small girl and smile at her cheerful face. "Are you sure you don't want Mama to make bentos for you for lunch? You'll get tired of having the same sandwiches everyday."

She looks at me with those adorable, mismatched eyes and shakes her head vehemently. "Vivio likes Fate-mama's sammiches!"

I smile again, holding in a chuckle, and help Vivio in to her coat. As she opens the door to our apartment, I place her hat on her head and straighten it. Vivio takes my hand as we leave the apartment and begin walking down the hallway, turning her head to look at my face as we walk.

"We'll go visit Nanoha-mama today, right?"

"Hai, Vivio."


End file.
